


Make It Snow

by Kerkerian



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: A little angst, Christmas, Desolate Danny, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, M/M, mcdanno, worried steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 07:18:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13141758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kerkerian/pseuds/Kerkerian
Summary: Hawaii and Christmas just don't match, in Danny's opinion. Which only gets worse when he can't even spend the holidays with Grace...





	Make It Snow

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Hawaii Five-0.
> 
> This is very loosely based on the Christmas episode of season 3, in which Rachel takes Grace to Las Vegas for the holidays.

 

For two whole weeks, Steve had badgered Danny about Christmas, wanting his partner to spend it with him. It was the first time since Steve's childhood that his mother was going to be there, and he wanted as much of his family under one roof as he could get. So he had invited his team and their friends for a Christmas Day Barbecue. He wanted Danny to be there on Christmas Eve as well, though. He was going to be alone anyway, since Grace was traveling with Rachel and Stan. Steve hadn't expected that to affect Danny as thoroughly as it did, though- while his partner had always complained about Christmas in the tropics in general and the lack of snow or at least cold weather in particular, he now stopped complaining altogether, which was even worse. A ranting Danny Steve could take in his stride; a silent, introvertly unhappy Danny was hard to bear. Not only Steve noticed the change in him; everyone of their acquaintances asked McGarrett about it during the course of those two weeks. He tried everything from deliberately nettling Danny to being gentle with him, but his desolate mood didn't change. So Steve tried to make Danny promise that he'd show up at the McGarrett residence for Christmas; apart from his own desire to have a family feast for once, he didn't want Danny to be alone. In the end, Danny had given in and half-heartedly shrugged his consent.

In hindsight, Steve suspected that his partner only wanted him to shut up. He pursed his lips when he got a text which only said “I'm sorry, but I'm not going to make it tonight. Merry Christmas. D.”, which of course didn't go unnoticed by Doris: “When did you say Danny was going to get here?” she asked.

Steve shook his head: “Half an hour ago. But apparently, he just cancelled.” He tried not to let on how angry he was, that he actually felt betrayed. In the privacy of his bedroom, he dialled Danny's number; the call went straight to voice mail.

“Stubborn idiot,” Steve muttered under his breath, staring at his phone for a few seconds longer. Well, if Danny thought that this was how one treated one's best friend, he probably deserved to be alone.

Squaring his shoulders, Steve left his bedroom and went back downstairs. They were going to have a good time without Danny, then.

 

“Why don't you go check on him?” Doris said, two hours later when Mary had gone to put Joanie to bed. They had had a rather delicious if not entirely home-cooked meal, but Steve was distracted even though he tried to hide it.

Now he frowned: “Why would I do that? Clearly, Danny's made a decision which I've got to respect.”

Doris shook her head: “That's bullshit, and you know it.”

“Mom!”

“Steven?”

“I'm not going to check on Danny when he's being... capricious!”

Doris studied her son with a small smile; she may have missed a lot of time with him, but during the past few weeks, she had watched him -and his friends- closely. Especially him and Danny, therefore she was rather certain that she knew what was going on.

“Maybe he's just sad.”

“I know he's sad, that's why I asked him to join us here today!”

Doris' smile deepened: “What if he didn't need all of us to be there for him?”

“What do you mean?” Steve's tone was belligerent, but he was listening. Good.

“Maybe he only needed you.”

Steve opened his mouth to object that Danny should have pulled himself together then, should have come by anyway, but the look that Doris was giving him made him stop. Much to his chagrin, he had to admit that she probably was right. Danny hadn't talked much during the past weeks, true, but he had kept close to Steve wherever they were. Closer than usual, to be precise, if Steve was honest with himself. They had spent several evenings just sitting on Steve's couch watching the telly, and usually, Danny had sought bodily contact at one point; more often than not, Steve had simply put his arm around him then just as he had done on that one belated Halloween. They never talked about it, but both had enjoyed it.

Therefore Steve was aware, on some detached level of his mind, that Danny and he were gravitating towards each other with increasing intensity, that what they had was probably exceeding the limits of friendship. That he more than once caught himself fantasizing about kissing Danny, and more. But it had been a slow dance, and sometimes, it hadn't seemed real at all. Steve had in fact become used to a feeling of a slight but permanent confusion around his partner, which didn't make it easy to keep a clear head at times. Such as now, apparently.

“Damn it,” he swore, grabbed his car keys and was out of the door before Doris could say another word.

 

Danny wasn't at home. Steve used the hidden key to let himself in and check. Worry spread in his stomach, but he told himself to keep it together. Cursing under his breath, he went back to his truck and started the motor. Danny wasn't at any of the spots which came to Steve's mind however, nor had any of their team or other friends seen him.

The worry turned into fully blown anxiety. Danny wouldn't have done something stupid, would he? Steve pinched the bridge of his nose; it didn't do to lose his nerves now, he had to think strategically. Therefore, he went to Iolani Palace, intending to locate Danny's cell phone.

The Camaro was parked outside. Relief and fresh anger welled up in Steve in quick succession. He quickly sent Chin, Kono and the others a message that he had found Danny; with long strides, he then entered the empty building and went upstairs.

Only a few lights were on, one of it being the desk lamp in Danny's office. He looked up as Steve opened the glass door: “Steve,” he said, surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“What are _you_ doing here?” Steve countered. His irritation immediately began to melt as he took in the picture in front of him: Danny's tired face, a bottle of water next to his laptop which he seemed to be working on, the picture of Grace which always stood on his desk lying on the other side, as though Danny had been holding it in his hand.

“Is this really how you want to spend Christmas Eve?” Steve asked in a much softer voice than intended.

Danny sighed, shrugging: “I don't. I want to spend it with my daughter, or at least spend it preparing for her visit on Christmas Day. But since she's thousands of miles away, I can as well get on top of my paper work.”

Steve shook his head: “I don't understand you, Danno. You don't have to be alone just because Gracie isn't here-”

“No,” Danny interrupted him, and louder than he had spoken before. “No, Steve, that's where you're wrong. There is no 'just'. She isn't 'just not here'. It's Christmas and she's away, that's what she is. Secondly, yes I do, because people don't understand, as you have said yourself a few seconds ago. People think I'm overreacting because of this, and they keep giving me sympathetic looks and worse, say stupid things like 'she'll be back before you know it' and I just can't deal with that, okay?”

It was the most he had said to Steve in a while, at least the most not-work-related.

Steve sat down on the edge of the desk, crossing his arms in front of his chest: “Okay, then explain it to me. Why aren't you overreacting? What's so important about Grace being with you for Christmas?” He felt like an asshole, but he had no idea what else to do.

Danny looked at him with a pained expression; Steve got the impression that he hadn't gotten much sleep in the previous night, and his shirt was uncharacteristically rumpled. “There isn't much to explain,” he murmured, all the fight gone as sudden as it had flared up. He leaned back in his chair, gripping the arm rests: “I know everyone thinks I'm ungrateful because I keep complaining about living on this island which others call paradise. But the fact is that I felt lost and stranded for a long time after moving here. Grace was the only thing that kept me going. Even now I haven't gotten used to the climate and not having any discernible seasons. So maybe I am ungrateful, but I can't stop feeling homesick, and it's worse around Christmas because this, the warm weather, the sunshine, the barbecues on the beach, the weird substitute Christmas trees, this isn't Christmas to me, it's a joke. It was bearable with Grace around, but this year it's just... “ He took a deep breath: “So if people think I should pull myself together and not make such a big deal out of it, I'm sorry, but they can fuck off.” He fell silent and hunched in on himself, a worn out, exhausted figure; his gaze strayed back to Grace's picture. He looked utterly forlorn.

Steve, after a moment of shocked silence, got to his feet, took Danny's hands and pulled him up from his chair: “I had no idea that it was still affecting you so badly, Danno,” he said softly. “Why didn't you fly home, at least?”

Danny took another deep breath: “I really need to save some money,” he said. “You know how unpredictable Rachel is when it comes to visitation rights and stuff. I might need a lawyer in the future again, so...”

Steve squeezed his hands: “You could have talked to me. I could have helped you out.”

“I know. I appreciate that. But... you see, it's a point of pride.”

Steve sighed; he understood, of course he did. And he also knew that he would probably have disregarded Danny's objection and gotten him a return ticket anyway. Inwardly, he frowned at himself.

“I'm sorry you felt that you didn't have anyone to turn to,” he says.

Danny shook his head: “I'm sorry I was being rude about tonight.”

Steve regarded him intently for a moment: “Danno,” he then said, and it was rather difficult to get out. “I thought... I thought we're family. I know I feel that way about you.”

Danny looked everywhere but at Steve: “I'm sorry,” he replied. “We are. I didn't mean...” He broke off. “I'm selfish, aren't I?”

Steve snorted: “You? You're the least selfish person I know, Danno.”

“But I behaved like an ass.”

“Doesn't necessarily make you selfish.” Steve's gaze wandered all over Danny's familiar face, feeling that he hadn't driven the most important point home yet: “I want to be here for you, Danno.” he said. “Whatever it is, you can always count on me being your backup.”

“I thought _I_ was _your_ backup,” Danny replied meekly.

“Goes both ways, buddy.”

Danny looked a little flustered now, finally meeting Steve's gaze: “Thank you.”

Steve gave him a serious smile: “So you do understand that you're not alone. Ever.”

Danny looked away again: “That's... I know.”

“But?”

“... I wasn't sure where we stood.”

“Where-”

“Relationship-wise, Steve.” He finally looked up at Steve again. “In the past few weeks, you were there for me to lean on. Literally. Don't think I didn't notice that you tried to be patient with me. And I really needed that.”

“ _But_?”

“But usually, it's different. Yes, we're close, and we can rely on each other. I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for the whole team which even by extension means Kamekona and Flippa, for some weird reason.” He shook his head, a fleeting smile on his face. “But you and I are... I don't know. An undefined phenomenon. When push comes to shove, we don't hesitate to save each other's ass. Most of the time though, we bicker and we disagree on most things.”

“BUT?”

“I enjoyed the peace between us. It...” Danny's face reddened. “It allowed for me to get even closer to you.” He looked down on their still joined hands. “Like this.” His voice grew even softer: “It'd have been different with other people around, tonight.”

All of a sudden, Steve's heart was in his throat; the realization of what Danny was trying to tell him and the fear that he might lose him were equally strong. Slowly, he pulled Danny even closer until they were flush against each other. Which felt mind-blowing. Equally slowly, his hands let go of Danny's; while his left wandered on to Danny's back, he raised the other to gently cup Danny's cheek, caressing his skin with his thumb: “I enjoyed that, too,” he said so softly that it was almost a whisper. “I don't think we'll ever stop the bickering, we play off of each other too well. But we can try to dial it down, because I don't want for us to regress.” He smiled lightly: “You and me, Danno. We may be undefined, but I think we're amazing together. And without you, I also feel lost. So maybe I do understand it a little, after all.”

Danny blinked, and then they kissed, and Steve was momentarily deaf because of the blood rush, and it felt marvellous. When they eventually pulled back just a little, breathless, awe struck, Steve felt giddy and happy and exhilarated at once. “I know I could never replace Grace, and I wouldn't want to,” he whispered against Danny's lips. “And I can't make it snow. But I still want to be the one you turn to. I love you, Danno.”

Danny's breath hitched for a moment, then his hands were on Steve's cheeks, tender and trembling: “Thank you. And I'm sorry.” His fingers caressed Steve's skin, still trembling, but very gently: “I love you, too.”

Even while they kissed, Steve wrapped his arms around Danny so he could hold him tight, could feel his equally rapidly beating heart, his body against his own.

 

Later that night, Doris, who had gone to bed but was still awake reading, heard the front door opening and closing, then there were steps on the stairs. She strained her ears: two different footfalls. With a proud smile, she closed her book: yes, she may have missed a lot of her son's life, but apparently it wasn't too late for a bit of motherly advice.

 

When Danny woke up early on Christmas Day, Steve was still asleep. Their limbs were entangled and Steve's breath was warm against his own skin. For the first time since Rachel had told Danny about her Christmas traveling plans, he felt calm. Grounded. Able to breathe. Here, in the golden light of the beginning day and wrapped around Steve, he felt like an irrational idiot to be making such a fuss. He had admittedly felt rather desperate though, had questioned his life choices and wondered why it was that things only went smooth for other people but not for him.

His gaze wandered over Steve's relaxed face; maybe he had underestimated him. Or maybe it was the momentary bliss which made everything feel so right, as if things had finally fallen into place. Whatever the reason, Danny was glad that Steve had come to find him on the previous night, that he had found the courage to tell his partner the truth. Maybe Hawaii could become a true home in the long run, if things went well, despite having barbecues on the beach on Christmas Day, despite the lack of cold weather and snow.

While he was still pondering this, Steve stirred, taking a moment to blink himself awake. His gaze eventually came to rest on Danny, and a smile slowly spread on his face: “Merry Christmas, Danno,” he said softly, his voice still a little hoarse from sleep. Danny caressed his cheek: “Merry Christmas, Babe,” he replied, unaware that he too was smiling.

 

The End

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm not a Native Speaker, therefore I apologize for any mistakes.
> 
> Merry Christmas, everyone!


End file.
